We’re incredibly proud to partner with Michelle Bridges and her podcast We Have a Situation. This episode? It deserves a megaphone.
In Love Without Losing Yourself, Michelle speaks with relationship coach and all-around powerhouse Sabrina Zohar. It’s one of the most refreshingly honest, emotionally intelligent, and empowering conversations we’ve heard in years.
If you’ve ever:
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Felt “too much” in love
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Pulled back to avoid rejection
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Ghosted someone and spiralled
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Wondered if you’ll ever show up as your full self again...
This blog, and that episode, are for you.
Why We Feel “Too Much”: The Psychology
1. Childhood patterns and emotional survival
If you grew up in an emotionally unsafe home, where emotions were punished, ignored or ridiculed, your nervous system likely learned to survive, not to connect. You adapted. You shrank. You learned that expressing emotion came with a cost.
2. The window of tolerance
This is the range within which your brain and body can handle stress and emotion without being overwhelmed. Trauma makes that window smaller¹. A text left on “read” for an hour can feel like abandonment. This isn’t your fault; it’s your body protecting you.
3. ADHD and relationships
ADHD doesn’t just impact focus; it affects emotional regulation, impulsivity and social sensitivity. Research shows:
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Adults with ADHD face significantly more relationship conflict²
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ADHD brains chase novelty and dopamine, which can lead to emotional rollercoasters³
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Emotional dysregulation is a stronger predictor of relationship distress than hyperactivity⁴
When ADHD and trauma intersect, dating can feel chaotic, even when you’re doing your best.
What Sabrina and Michelle Want You to Know
You are not too much
Your emotions aren’t wrong. Your anxiety may just need new tools.
You’re not broken
You are responding to past experiences, and those responses can evolve over time.
You’re not “bad at dating”
You’re using strategies that once kept you safe. With awareness, you can choose new ones.
Practical Tools to Change the Dating Game
Use the pause
Create space between feeling and action. Take a breath. Count to ten. Step away from your phone.
This activates the thinking part of your brain and stops you from reacting from pure emotion⁵.
Create a Yes / No / Maybe list
This simple tool helps you get clear on your personal boundaries, values and desires. It puts you back in charge.
Start with:
✔ Things you definitely want
✘ Things you will no longer tolerate
❓Things you’re curious or uncertain about
Understand what a real boundary is
A request is: “You need to text me every day.”
A boundary is: “I don’t do relationships where I feel ignored.”
Boundaries are not demands placed on others; they are commitments we make to ourselves. And yes, they take courage to enforce.
Rethink ghosting
Ghosting is rarely about your worth. It usually reflects someone’s inability to sit with discomfort.
Painful? Yes. Personal? No.
If someone disappears after you show vulnerability, they’ve done you a favour. You didn’t lose something; you were spared something that could never meet you where you are.
ADHD and Emotional Intensity: Know the Signs
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Rejection sensitivity is a hallmark of ADHD⁶
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Hyperfixation after one date is your brain seeking dopamine and reassurance
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Obsessive texting and overthinking are anxiety strategies, not personal failures
You’re not “too intense”; you’re processing more stimuli, emotions, and fear than others might see. Sabrina helps reframe this with compassion and tools, not shame.
You Are the CEO of Your Life
Imagine dating as if you were hiring a co-founder for your life, not auditioning for someone else’s vision.
You’ve built something real. A business. A family. A life. Why would you offer up the keys to someone who hasn’t earned your trust?
Sabrina’s advice?
“I want you in my life is so much sexier than I need you in my life.”
Neediness isn’t love. It’s fear. You don’t need rescuing , you need respect, reciprocity and someone who recognises the value of what you’ve already created.
This Isn’t About Getting Picked, It’s About Choosing Yourself
If you’ve walked away from a date wondering what you did wrong...
If you’ve stayed too long in something that made you feel small...
If you’ve lost yourself to be loved...
Let this be your line in the sand.
You are not too much. You’ve simply outgrown the story that says love means shrinking.
🎧 Listen to the full episode:
We Have a Situation: Love Without Losing Yourself with Sabrina Zohar
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FAQs
Q: Is it common to feel overwhelmed when dating with ADHD?
Yes. Emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity are common ADHD traits that can impact dating confidence and connection².
Q: What is the “window of tolerance” and how does trauma affect it?
It refers to your capacity to handle emotional stress. Trauma can shrink this window, making everyday triggers feel overwhelming¹.
Q: Are there tools that help with dating anxiety?
Yes. Techniques like the pause, setting boundaries, and value-based decision-making can dramatically reduce anxiety and improve dating outcomes⁵.
Q: What’s the difference between a boundary and a demand?
Boundaries protect your well-being and reflect your choices. Demands attempt to control others. Learning the difference builds emotional safety in relationships.
References
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Verywell Mind. Window of Tolerance in Mental Health. Link
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Psychology Today. Scattered Love: Why ADHD Can Make Relationships So Hard. Link
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ADHD Evidence Project. How Adult ADHD Affects Romantic Relationships. Link
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Systematic Reviews Journal. ADHD and Trauma Co-occurrence in Adults: A Meta-Analysis. Link
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PMC (NIH). The Neuroscience of Emotion Regulation. Link
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Verywell Mind. ADHD and Toxic Relationships. Link
